Day 23: Start Saying No – But Nicely | 30-Day Weight Loss-athon
Welcome to Day 23 of the 30-Day Weight Loss-athon.
All tasks in the 30-Day Weight Loss-athon are adapted from my 52 Weight Loss Missions program.
Read the steps first, then take 10 minutes to think about and complete them. Ready?
What You Need:
- A deep breath
- A little bit of courage.
Step 1
Yesterday we accepted that committing to our weight-loss is not only not selfish – it can have all kinds of benefits for our family, friends and workmates.
So now that we accept it’s okay to protect your priorities and say no to certain demands – um, how do we do it?
The first step is to identify the times we habitually say yes when we want to say no – and sabotage our own weight-loss goals.
For instance:
- We repeatedly agree to work late, instead of going to the gym as we’d planned
- We go along with someone else’s suggestion to dine at the all-you-can-eat, even-the-salad-is-deep-fried restaurant for dinner, when we’d wanted to go somewhere with healthy options
- We agree to baby-sit for a friend again, when we were hoping to do our menu planning and shopping for the week.
What are your habitual, weight-loss-sabotaging, can’t-say-no zones?
Step 2
Next, let’s focus on what you can do differently in these situations.
Here are some suggestions.
- Saying ‘No I can’t’ can sound harsh. Instead, experiment with variations that are easier for you to say, and for the other person to hear. Some examples are:
- I’m afraid I can’t this time
- I’ll have to pass, but thank you for thinking of me
- Sorry – I’m already over-committed
- I’m not the right person to help with that. My strengths are in …
- I would prefer…
- I won’t be able to do that, but I can do this…
- Role-play your response with a friend to help you build up confidence. This is especially helpful if the conversation will be with your boss or an authority figure.
- Remind yourself that you’re saying no in order to say yes to your priorities – especially those you identified on Day 1: Find Your Real (Not Pretend) Motivation.
For the situation you identified in Step 1, what will you do differently next time?
This is a hard one for everybody – so take comfort that you’re in good company as you work on changing old behaviors. And be prepared that it may take time to develop your assertiveness muscles.
But today, make a start. Will you?
Check in!
And you’re done!
Be sure to leave your comment below to check in and stay accountable. If you’re reading this by email or in a reader then please click here to leave your comment.
See you tomorrow!
Working on the no – saying! Hardest is going out to eat with hubby and he offers me to share his really great fries “can’t eat them all”! Okay, don’t but I’m NOT with a smile eating them for you. Thank you kindly!
Like everyone else has said saying no is always hard. I am finding it easier now that my kids are older because there are less expectations. And because I do have more free time I don’t feel the need to say no as much.
I guess the best “No” to say is to ourselves first when we get tempted at these situations or others when we whisper to ourselves that “It’s ok THIS TIME” time after time! This is what I need!
I have always had a hard time saying no, to others, and it has made me pay the price, of being super stressed and very over loaded! But I am starting to see the light, and I am learning that sometimes, learning to say no, is the best way to go! I always try to make the person see that, I have the want to, but not the can do! <3 : ).
I don’t have a problem saying no to others, just to myself, but I am learning to very quickly. No to the movie, and yes to a walk. No to a high calorie dessert, but yes to healthy low calorie foods that can give me health and energy. By saying yes to something different, it is easy to say no. No to going out to eat, but yes to a workout.
I’ve actaully gotten better at getting friends to eat at places where I can find something healthy to eat, and a couple of them, I’ve even gotten to walk to a restaurant for lunch. Sitting here pondering this, I’ve just thought of a way to find another way to get some “me” time in for exercising…just need to buy some new running shoes. 🙂
I find that it was harder for me to say no to authority and to sweets. Now I am doing much better with sweets cause all my closest friends know that I have been watching my weight since november, so it’s easier:) I used to make cakes almost every 3 weeks for 3 years for my prayer group when it was their birthday, that I have stopped after Christmas and it’s a lot easier for me. They miss my cakes but they are good:)
I started today to look for healthy recipes to continue on my weight loss and I will be printing them and stick them in my new recipe book:)
I don’t have a problem saying no thank you to things which I am not wanting to do or to eat and I find most people respect that. I have also learnt that you need to take care of yourself and your own wellbeing before you are capable of looking after others. Also since changing my exercise time to first thing when I get up instead of in the afternoon when I get home from work is working out much better. When I was doing it in the afternoon I would always find there was something else that would crop up unexpectedly which I would do rather than exercise. There are no distractions or better offers first thing in the morning therefore the exercise gets done without fail.
Joanna I ditto that! Middle child and all. I do say no but I also say yes for the right reasons. 🙂
Another challenge. How to say “no” to my immediate family – that’s where I tend to cave the most. Time to start practicing!
This is one area of my life I’ve come a long way with in the past year. It doesn’t bother me to set boundries with others any longer. I will be helpful, as long as I can still take care of my own needs reasonably.
Maybe I should say no to baking for bake sales. I love to do it, but I also love to lick the beaters 🙂 Does it count to say “no” to the question, “what’s for dessert?” Doesn’t actually work grammatically. I am also a middle child…I wonder if they’ve done any research on THAT one!
I have to work on this one. I’m such a social person that I can easily overwhelm myself and then all of a sudden I have no time for me or my family and things start falling apart. Need to work on this one for sure!
I did this on Saturday night…went out with 3 girlfriends, ended up at a restaurant ~ they had full meals and chaya shakes. I said, “no thanks, just a Diet Coke and a bowl of veggie soup for me”. Even turned down a share of the deep-fried nacho appetizer. Stayed under my self-imposed calorie limit, and felt great about it.
Well, I lick the beaters, too, but making myself write down EVERYTHING that goes in my mouth has helped put a stop to that 😉 I love to bake so send dessert-type things right out the door to give to others. That satisfies my love of baking and brings smiles to other’s faces. As far as saying NO…I have a hard time saying NO to food that I know was made “just for me” by some well-meaning woman! But, I am getting better at it AND training myself (as a well-meaning woman!) to not feel badly when a guest says NO to what I’ve made “just for them”!
This one is a hard one and I don’t always accomplish this. I have made this a priority for the last year or so. It gets easier as you go. I still say yes on occasions that I don’t want to but my no’s have increased and my stress level has gone down.
I have to admit sometimes it’s me I have to say “no” to. The “all you can eat” buffet, the “something more fun to do” than exercise. I am getting better everyday. Haven’t really lost much weight yet, but I do see a change in my body. My jeans are fitting better these days.
Saying “NO” has been extremely difficult for me. Being the middle child, I always felt compelled to be the bigger person and agree to everything. Even as an adult, it was always easier to ‘go with the flow’ than setting my own goals. It has been a long road to self discovery and challenging to ‘just say no’ but now I am proud to say I am gaining the tools to stand my ground and I don’t feel guilty as I used it, if it upsets others…let them get over it!
It is my turn for me.
Still needs to learn to say no, only with a sweet attitude! Lord help us today and everyday!
“What a compliment to be asked, if I weren’t already so overcommitted I’d love to help. How disappointing!” This is not only brutally honest but it also addresses the conflict one feels on being asked and having to say “no.”