Recently I tried to give up some of my favorite foods for a week. Just one week. An apparently simple challenge.
What do you think happened?
Did I discover newfound joys of tofu treats? Did I revel in the thrill of a blood-chocolate level below the legal limit?
No. I most certainly did not.
Instead, I became obsessed with the things I was trying to deny myself.
People’s heads began to resemble chocolate bars. Foods I could previously eat in moderation suddenly became as compelling as a skin-tight, low-cut, leopard-print mini to a Kardashian. I ate way more of these foods than I usually do.
And I promptly gained 6 pounds.
What the hell happened?
Suppressing Thoughts Of Chocolate
I really should have known better, as I’ve been through this before.
Pretty soon my chocolate-related behavior became disturbing (um, rampant). My data was non-sensical from a learning-theory perspective.
So I went to see my lecturer. Being cool and smart, she suggested I undertake a different assignment – to make sense of my data using other psychological theory and research.
Writing that paper blew my chocolate-obsessed mind.
I discovered that denial and deprivation are super-powers. Greater than self-discipline and motivation. Able to leap regular willpower in a single bound.
For example, one study showed that when people were asked to not think about chocolate, they ate more chocolate. (They didn’t know their chocolate intake was being measured.) Why?
For a start, not thinking about something is hard. Don’t think about Borat in a mankini. See?
The act of thought-suppression is also mentally exhausting. You’re left with depleted willpower resources.
Plus, like a pool noodle held underwater, suppressed thoughts are poised to resurface with a vengeance as soon as you stop trying to hold them down.
It all adds up to a potent psychological cocktail of self-sabotage.
Catholic Girls And Forbidden Fruit
To be honest, I suspected the counterproductive superpower of self-denial long before my mature-psych-studenthood.
Thirteen years of catholic girls’ school taught me that nothing is so appealing, so irresistible, as the thing you shouldn’t have.
The forbidden fruit may not always taste the sweetest, but it’s the one that makes your mouth water most.
And just quietly, it also has the highest cost in Our Fathers and Hail Marys.
The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma
Psych papers and confession penance aside, here’s how I now think of self-denial.
It’s as though you have a pair of twins living in your head. They always stick together. You cannot have one without the other.
The good twin can be easily summoned to do your denial-based bidding – to cut out alcohol, avoid carbs, abstain from pepperoni pizza.
But beware. The bad twin is right there with her, going where she goes, ready to jump out and overwhelm you with her denial-blasting superpowers.
Leaving you bewildered by your apparently feeble self-control.
Not Everyone Gets It
I don’t think everyone suffers from this problem.
Some personal trainers for instance seem to find it incomprehensible that a person could want to not eat something and yet eat it anyway.
Where is your motivation they chastise. Don’t you want to lose weight they admonish.
Perhaps they didn’t go to Catholic school. Perhaps they haven’t developed interesting food issues like many people (women?) have. Perhaps their twins were separated at birth. Perhaps they binge on Big Macs and Tim Tams every night. Who knows.
What I do know is that every real person I’ve ever discussed weight and food with (hundreds, as research for my weight-loss program) is confounded by the good-girl-bad-girl diet dance.
Overcoming The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma
So what’s the solution?
There’s only one way to deal with the good-girl-bad-girl twins: don’t play with either one. Avoid eye contact. Do not engage.
How do you apply this to dieting?
Well for a start, don’t ever diet. Putting yourself on any form of denial- or deprivation-based eating regime is a fantastic way to get both twins wasting your willpower.
- If there’s a bad-girl food you love, have it when you really want it
- If there’s a bad-girl food you can take or leave, leave it.
I don’t think there’s any other way. You can’t have good girl without bad girl. They’re a twin set.
In this post I’ve used ‘girl’ for simplicity, as most of my readers/customers/commenters are female. I do hope this isn’t off-putting to my male readers. I value you guys just as much, but I don’t know how to convey the idea gender-neutrally. Good-girl/boy-bad-girl/boy is cumbersome and good-person-bad-person lacks the connotation I want.
What’s Your Take On The Good-Girl-Bad-Girl Diet Dilemma?
Do you relate to the good-girl-bad-girl diet dilemma?
Do you eat more or overcompensate when you try to diet?
Have you found a good way to deal with this challenge?
I’d love to know what you think!
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Michele Connolly is into writing, books, simplicity, love, TV, productivity, and staying thin in a world of chocolate.
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